


Holidays Are Better When I'm With You

by Europeskies



Category: South Park
Genre: Anxiety, Christmas Party, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Established Relationship, Fluff, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Physical Abuse, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Tweek's family sucks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-02-18 10:17:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Europeskies/pseuds/Europeskies
Summary: The holiday season isn't always a time of peace and happiness. For Tweek Tweak, spending extra time with extended family only works to alienate him and hurt the progress he's made in battling mental illness. At the annual Tweak Christmas Eve party, Tweek's family's comments have him questioning his relationship with Craig as well as his overall mental state. Craig and the rest of the Tuckers work their hardest to show Tweek that he is loved and wanted.





	1. Lonely Among a Crowd

**Author's Note:**

> The holidays always have me feeling a bit down, so here's some vent fanfic! I hope you enjoy!

“Now, son, remember there’s going to be no funny business tonight,” Mr. Tweak said, grasping the shaking boy’s shoulder. Even at sixteen, Tweek’s father insisted on giving him a lecture on proper behavior before guests arrived. Tweek rolled his eyes and shifted his gaze to the ground, focusing on a small dust bunny. The bright red carpet made the collection of dust and fuzz all the more noticeable, and Tweek tried to concentrate on the small imperfection in the otherwise spotless household. He was beginning to clear his head and slow his shaking when Mr. Tweak tightened his grip on him. “I mean it. This is going to be a nice family get together, and you’re going to act perfectly normal.”

 _What the fuck is that supposed to mean?_ Tweek thought to himself, silently cursing his family’s ever-present passive aggressiveness. “I do act normal.”

Mrs. Tweak stepped into the room, immediately picking up the dust bunny between her thumb and index finger and dropping it into a wastebasket. She turned to her son and ran her eyes over him with an eyebrow raised before moving to adjust the collar of his shirt. “You’re always the one to have an issue with something when we all get together, Tweek.”

“Like when?” Tweek asked, suddenly self-conscious of his outfit. He pulled at the cuffs of his shirt until his fingers were concealed to keep himself from biting at his nails. Craig had told him that it could help break him of the habit.

“At Thanksgiving, you threatened to punch cousin Mitch.”

“That’s because he called me a faggot for not watching football!” Tweek crossed his arms. No matter what happened, his parents had a way of making everything his fault. “And I wasn’t even being serious.”

“You _could_ have just watched the game like everyone else,” Mr. Tweak said through a sigh.

“I was watching! Jeez, sorry I was texting too. Didn’t know my eyes had to be glued to the screen.”

The doorbell interrupted their disagreement. As Mr. Tweak rushed to open the door for arriving guests, Tweek thought of how he really wanted to text his boyfriend to take his mind off of the chaos that was Tweak family get-togethers. He stopped himself when his hand was halfway to his pocket, remembering what his parents had warned about texting Craig too often. “You don’t want to scare him away, hun,” they had chided. “You’ll come off as needy. Nobody wants to text every day. Give him a bit of a break.”

 _Right_ , he thought. _Give him a break. Boyfriend or not, I’m not that important that he has to text me all the time. And he’ll be here soon anyway_.

Tweek stiffened as he saw Mitch and his parents walk inside and stop their snowy boots on the welcome mat. He had hoped Craig would be the first to arrive. The socializing that came with the holiday season always put him in an especially bad mood, heightening his anxiety and haunting him with a feeling of intense loneliness that he only felt when surrounded by family. Tweek knew it was contradictory – feeling lonely among a crowd – but it made sense to him. He always felt like an outsider, the runt of the litter who everyone either pitied or wanted to leave behind.

Mr. Tweak hugged his brother and kissed his sister-in-law on the cheek. “Hello Pat, Rachel. It’s been awhile! And Mitch, you’ve really grown!” He ruffled the eighteen-year-old boy’s hair. “Tweek, come over here and welcome your family.”

Tweek plastered on the best fake smile he could muster and walked to greet their guests. His Aunt Rachel and Uncle Patrick pulled him in for an awkward hug and asked him about school and his grades before turning and following Tweek’s parents into the kitchen.

Picking at a hangnail, Tweek turned to Mitch. “How’s college going?” he practically whispered.

“What? Talk louder,” Mitch said with a scowl.

“I asked how college was- "

“Are you seriously talking about school during Christmas break?”

“N-no…yes…I guess? What…what do you want to talk about?”

Mitch laughed and shook his head. Tweek felt his face burn red with embarrassment as a twitch seized his body, making Mitch laugh even harder. “Oh man, you’re something else,” the older boy mumbled as he walked off into the kitchen.

The doorbell rang again, and Tweek jumped to answer it. He swung open the door, praying to see Craig on the other side. His father’s sister and her three small children stood smiling at him. “Oh, hello Tweek!” his aunt yelled, pulling him in for a hug. The youngest boy, Jonathan, stood behind his mother’s legs as the other two ran inside, laughing and looking for Mitch to play ‘horsie’ with. Jonathan had always been afraid of Tweek’s twitching despite Tweek’s attempts to bribe the boy with sweets and McDonald’s toys.

Tweek ducked down next to the small boy. “Hey, Johnnie,” he said. “Is Santa going to bring you a lot of gifts this year?”

Johnathan looked away and clenched his mother’s shirt tightly.

“W-well, I’m sure he will,” Tweek continued. “You’ve always been such a good kid.” He reached out to ruffled the small boy’s hair but felt his aunt frowning down at him.

“Give him a bit of space, Tweek,” she spat and gently led Jonathan inside. Tweek let the door close behind her, leaving him alone outside in the snowy Colorado night.

His hands immediately went to yank at his hair. “Why did I fucking say that,” he grumbled to himself, feeling an urge to bang his head off of the siding of the house. “I shouldn’t have said anything, Jesus Christ. I’m so stupid.”

“Tweek, who are you talking to?” Tweek whirled around to see his grandparents making their way up the path to his door. He didn’t think it was possible to feel any more embarrassed than he did in that moment. Pulling his hands from his hair and planting them against his sides, Tweek shot a smile at them. “Nobody! I’m just…just…um…singing to myself! Yeah. Singing to myself…outside…in the cold…alone…” Internally, Tweek smacked his palm to his forehead.

Grandma Tweak approached her grandson and pinched his cheek. “Such a handsome young man. You shouldn’t be on all that medication. It’s messing with your head, dearie.”

“It’s just Prozac, gram. It helps a bunch, actually.”

“That’s how they get ya,” his grandpa muttered. “I saw it on a TV station. They get ya dependent on these medications until you’re like a zombie. It’s how the government keeps us dumbed down. What are your grades like?”

Tweek didn’t know if he was shaking from the cold or the new fear that his meds could be making him stupid. “If have a B in chemistry at the moment. But I don’t think that means-”

“Did you have a B before taking Protaz?”

“It’s _Prozac_ , and I didn’t but science is- "

“See!” his grandpa exclaimed, pointing a finger at him. “It’s dumbing you down, sonny.”

His grandma patted Tweek's shoulder and nodded. “Mitch has straight A’s and he never took any of those drugs. If you’re that stressed out, go on some more walks, sweetie. Just try not to think so much. Maybe you can come to church with us some Sunday? You haven’t been there in some time.”

“I’m more spiritual than religious, I guess,” Tweek mumbled, rubbing his arms.

“Hnn,” his grandma sighed. “Well if you don’t want to get better…” She and his grandpa opened the door and moving inside. A wave of heat hit Tweek, and he heard laughing coming from the living room. His mother must have brought the food out because the scent of ham mixed with cooked veggies made its way to Tweek’s nostrils. He felt his mouth begin to water a bit until the door once again closed, cutting him off from the delicious scent.

Snow crunching behind him made Tweek whirl around once more, expecting to see some other unpleasant family member. Instead, he made out the outline of Craig’s blue chullo hat, and that was all it took for his nerves to calm and his feet to hurtle him forward through the snow.

“Wait, Tweek-” Craig started, but was cut off by the blonde jumping into his arms, causing him to fall backwards into the snow.

On the ground, Craig held Tweek close and planted a kiss on his forehead. “What was that for?”

“Sorry,” Tweek whispered into the fabric of Craig’s coat. “I missed you.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Craig said, rubbing his boyfriend’s back. “You don’t have a coat on, baby.”

“I know, sorry, I just…I wasn’t waiting for you outside or anything – I’m not needy…I just…My family was- “

“It’s okay, Tweek. You don’t need to explain yourself. You just look freezing. Let’s get you warmed up.” Craig stood and pulled Tweek up with him, taking his hand and leading him back towards the house.

“Thanks for coming, Craig. You can leave anytime you want to if you get too bored or if my family gets too annoying or if you get tired of me. Don’t feel like you have to stay.”

Craig squeezed his hand. “I want to be here, Tweek. I know you don’t believe me when I say that, but it’s true. You’re worth it.”

With that, Craig opened the door for Tweek and followed him in to his family home. Tweek felt his heart flutter.


	2. Some Semblance of Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek reenters the lion's den. Craig meets the family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow thank you all! I appreciate everyone's wonderful comments! I'm so grateful to all those who've read!! Please enjoy this next chapter!

The faint clang of silverware greeted the boys as they walked inside, and Tweek saw his family sitting around the living room eating plates of ham and cooked vegetables. Like vultures, the younger children picked at the cheese plate and various bowls of chips that sat on the coffee table, ignoring the main course Tweek and his parents had prepared.  The idle chatter and the noise of “It’s a Wonderful Life” playing on the television helped Tweek calm his mind.

For Tweek, talking to people who only ever looked for the flaws in him was mentally draining, but despite his hatred of most social situations, he found that sometimes being among a crowd made him feel safe. For one, murderers or some paranormal force would probably be less likely to attack – Tweek knew these were unrealistic fears, but the awareness didn’t stop his mind from seeing worst case-scenarios everywhere he looked. The atmosphere also elicited a fraction of a feeling that Tweek best described as ‘at home.’ The feeling had never been complete, but Tweek knew that this is what home _should_ feel like: surrounded by family, a safe environment, laughter all around him. Though, Tweek wasn’t happy like he knew he would be if he felt entirely at home. He looked at the smiling faces around him and felt shame tugging at his heart - shame that he could not fit in or add to their joy.

Mr. Tweak’s gaze finally landed on the couple, and he stood from his place on the red loveseat. “Craig!” he yelled, his face lighting up. “Honey, Craig’s here!”

Craig gave Tweek’s parents a small smile and a wave. “Hey. Thanks for inviting me.”

“Everyone this is Craig!” Mr. Tweak said, walking over and wrapping his arm around the boy’s shoulders. “My son’s _boyfriend_.”

The family smiled and greeted Craig. A few stared oddly at Tweek causing the boy to sway back and forth uncomfortably. Not everyone knew about his relationship with another boy, but he knew they wouldn’t give him any trouble directly. His family was more of the ‘smile to your face but talk about you behind closed doors’ type.

“Why don’t you two get some food and come join us. We’ll start opening gifts soon.”

Tweek and Craig had agreed to exchange their gifts on Christmas day, lucky for Tweek. He had yet to wrap the present. Wrapping meant that the gift was final, and Tweek still had doubts about whether or not his gift was enough. He wasn’t sure if Craig would like it or if he thought it would be corny.

 The couple walked into the kitchen where Mitch and the younger boy, Jonathan stood. Mitch looked at the pair for a moment with his eyebrow raised before approaching Craig with a hand outstretched. “Hey, man, glad to finally meet you.”

Craig took the older boy’s hand and shook it firmly. “You too, dude. Mitch, right?” 

“The one and only.” Mitch chuckled to himself and looked Craig over once more. “Dude, you’re not what I expected. I mean that in the best way.”

“How so?”

Mitch smiled and gestured to Craig. “You’re…so normal. Like you look normal and seem to act normal. I guess I was just expecting another Tweek.”

“What the…Sh-shut up!” Tweek stammered. “I’m…normal.”

“Your hair is weird,” Jonathan mumbled from his place behind Mitch’s leg. Tweek reached up to feel his hair with his free hand as he felt Craig rub his thumb over the other. He knew his hair was a bit messy at times, but he had never heard it described as weird. Tweek knew that little kids have a way of being brutally honest.

“Isn’t it great?” Craig asked, ruffling the blonde boy’s hair. “It’s super soft.” 

“You touched him! Now you have the cooties too!” Jonathan exclaimed, hiding his face in Mitch’s shirt. Tweek frowned and shifted his gaze to the ground.

“Tweek doesn’t have cooties. Tweek is the best.” Craig reached around and started to tickle his boyfriend’s sides. Tweek wasn’t exactly in the mood but giggled nonetheless.

“Nuh-uh. My mommy says not to be around him too much because there’s a bunch of stuff wrong with him.”

“Well your mommy is wrong,” Craig said through gritted teeth. Tweek knew Craig was keeping his cool so as to not embarrass him, and he was grateful for that.

“Nuh-uh. She said that he tries to get attention by acting different and having boyfriends because he thinks he’s too good for us but he really isn’t.” 

“Wha…?” Tweek clutched the cuffs of his shirt and looked out into the living room at his aunt. “What else does she say?”

“Tweek-” Craig began.

“No, I want to hear.”

“She say not to be around you alone because your brain isn’t right and you might try to touch us like daddies touch mommies and that she’s sorry that her brother has to spend so much time with you as his son.”

 “WHAT?!” 

Jonathan jumped as Tweek raised his voice. Tweek put up his hands defensively, a mixture of hurt and anger flowing though him. “Why would she fucking say that? I would never do that…I...Why the hell are you looking at me like that?”

“Don’t swear in front of children, Tweek,” Mitch spat. “You’re so immature.”

“Me?! I don’t – “

 “Come on, Johnnie,” Mitch interrupted. “Let’s go open some presents.” He grabbed the younger boy’s hand and led him back into the living room. Tweek noticed that a few more family members had arrived, and many were staring into the kitchen at him, curious about the commotion.

“I…I don’t want to go out…” Tweek whispered.

Craig pulled Tweek’s hand up to his lips and planted a kiss on it. “I’ll be there, Tweek. We could go in for a second, and just kick my foot when it gets too much to handle. Okay?”

 “O-okay…Thanks, Craig.”

 Craig scooped some food onto a plate for the both of them, despite Tweek’s protests that he wasn’t hungry, and the two walked out and found a spot on the carpet to sit. Tweek felt his father’s eyes on him and avoided looking in his direction. He leaned against Craig’s shoulder and tried to focus on the black and white movie on the television. One of Tweek’s littler cousins ran over to his father and plopped down onto his lap. “I want to have a boyfriend too!” he suddenly exclaimed, pointing at Craig and Tweek. All eyes immediately shifted to Tweek.

 “I…I didn’t tell him to say that,” Tweek said. Since he had been the first openly gay member of his family, anything his little cousins said that screamed ‘Queer’ was blamed on him, as if his presence was turning everyone gay little by little. The child’s father’s gaze bore into him, and the chatter died down. “There’s nothing wrong with that, anyway, I don’t know why you’re glaring at me.”

“I’m not glaring,” the man said. “I just don’t want my son to be a spaz.”

 “I’m not a spaz!”

“You are a bit of a spaz, son,” his father chimed in. 

“How is your relationship going?” his grandmother asked, leaning in close to him. Tweek hated being the center of attention like this, and he was annoyed at himself that his actions were so attention-grabbing. _I’m a walking contradiction_ , he thought.

“It’s great,” Craig answered.

“Why is he answering for you, sonny?” his grandfather asked. If Tweek was a prince of over-analysis, his grandfather was king. The man looked into every little detail of every situation, creating his own wild theories out of the mere subtext. “Are you being abused?”

“Craig would never abuse Tweek,” Mr. Tweak answered. “He’s an angel. Tweek is the one who never leaves him alone. We’re glad Craig sees something in him.”

“Tweek’s great,” Craig said, but the Tweaks droned on, ignoring the boy.

 “Craig is always helping Tweek,” Mrs. Tweak said. “He helps calm him down when he’s freaking out.”

 “What do you do for Craig, Tweek?” Mitch asked with a smirk. Tweek looked away.

  _What **do** I do for Craig? _he asked himself _. Craig is always there for me, and all I do is freak out and cling to him. It’s pathetic. Does he really want to be in this relationship, or am I trapping him? Is he only staying because he feels bad for me?_ A twitch ran up Tweek’s spine and he let out at frightened “Gah!” which prompted chuckles from a few children. _Am I abusing Craig?_

 “Do you want to go?” Craig asked him quietly.

 “No! It’s fine! Unless you want to.”

 Mr. Tweak suddenly stood up and clapped his hands together. Tweek jumped and clutched Craig’s jacket, feeling much too on edge. _Stop it_ , he told himself, letting Craig go. _Stop clinging_.

 “Present time!” Mr. Tweak yelled.


	3. Can't Hold Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek breaks down. Craig can't take it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again so very much for all of your comments! You're all so kind, and it really encourages me to keep writing!! I hope your holiday celebrations are going well and aren't too stressful. Be safe and make time for self care!
> 
> Thank you for reading!

Gifts wrapped in vibrant papers of all different colors and patterns lined the ground under the Christmas tree. They varied in shapes and sizes, a few larger boxes leaning against the wall while small ones were placed neatly in front. Some were skillfully tied with red ribbon while others showcased simple stick-on bows. Looking at the gifts and the excitement that flooded his younger cousins’ eyes, Tweek almost felt like a small child again. He remembered the days when he would wake up early Christmas morning after a night of little sleep and come bounding down the stairs to see what Santa had left for him.

Nowadays, Tweek didn’t enjoy that act of receiving gifts as much as he once did. He was grateful when somebody placed a neatly wrapped box into his hands, but much too grateful. Grateful to the point that he couldn’t convince himself that he deserved anything given to him. Whether it was clothing, school supplies, or food, Tweek found himself overcome with guilt and discomfort simply because he was so touched that people would go out of their way to gift him something. His joy at receiving presents from Santa had been replaced with the joy of giving, and he tried to find the perfect gifts for all those close to him. As long as his loved ones were happy, Tweek was happy.

He watched his father bend down, knees cracking loudly as he went, and pick up the first gift from under the tree. It was a thin box wrapped in a bright red and green striped paper. Tweek felt giddy with excitement, knowing that it was one of the gifts he had wrapped. “To Mom, from Tweek,” said Mr. Tweak reading the gift tag, and he handed the box to his wife.

Tweek felt Craig rub circles on his back, and he willed himself to calm down and let the excitement take over. He took a deep breath and tried to ignore the frustration that sat in the pit of his stomach from the earlier commotion. Focusing on his mother unwrapping her gift, Tweek smiled and crossed his fingers, hoping she would love it as much as he thought she would.

After unwrapping, Mrs. Tweak opened the box that contained her gift: a blue scarf, delicately knitted by Tweek. She smiled at her son and draped the scarf around her neck. “Oh honey, this is beautiful. Did you make this? This is wonderful!”

Tweek smiled even wider, glad at her approval, and nodded. “I’m glad you like it, mom. Merry Christmas.”

Mr. Tweak passed out more presents as the Christmas Eve night carried on. The younger children received new toys and merchandise from kid’s TV shows that Craig and Tweek were too old to recognize. Adults received classic gifts: pajama bottoms, candles from their kids, chocolates. Tweek received a few novels and gift cards from various family members, and even Craig got a new pair of gloves from Tweak’s parents. As Mr. Tweak got to the presents hidden in the back of the pile, he pulled out a green giftbag reading, “To Tweek, from Mitchell.”

Raising an eyebrow at his cousin, Tweek took the bag. He and his cousin had never really exchanged gifts as they got older and grew further and further apart. Tweek felt panic seize him as he stared at the bag. “Sorry, I…I didn’t get you anything,” he mumbled to his cousin.

“That’s fine, cuz. Just open it. Make sure to read the card first.”

Tweek reached inside the bag and pulled out a white envelope with his name printed across the front. He carefully tore it open and immediately felt his hands begin to shake as he peered at the cover. Tweek felt his mind go blank and a numbness overcome his body. He looked up at his cousin’s grinning face and then back down at the card once more.

Printed on the front of the card was a black and white drawing of a person’s hand and arm, deep red cuts running up the skin and oozing blood. _Here’s a Razor Sharp card from me to you_ , the front of the card read. Tweek absentmindedly grazed his fingers over the length of his own forearm before opening the card.

 

_Merry Christmas, cousin._

_This year, I hope you’ll lay off the bleach and drink some eggnog instead._

_-Mitchell_

Tweek didn’t notice that tears had begun to fall down his face or that Craig was cradling his head to his chest. “No, shit. Baby, don’t cry,” Craig pleaded, stroking his boyfriend’s hair. Tweek moved the card away from Craig. “Tweek, baby, what’s wrong? Let me see the card.”

“Why are you crying, Tweek?” his mother asked with wide eyes.

“Yeah, dude. It’s just a joke,” Mitchell said, laughing uncomfortably.

Craig gently reached around and took the card from Tweek. The moment he saw the cover, his face grew red, and he felt the anger that had been contained inside of him finally burst like a volcano. Craig read the inside and felt ready to vomit. He tore the card in two and tossed it aside. Moving Tweek off of him, Craig grabbed the gift bag from Mitch and dug inside of it, pulling out a bright pink bib with an arrow pointing up, reading “cocksucker” in big bold letters.

Craig stood and flipped Mitch off. “What. The. Ever-loving. Fuck.”

“It’s…a _joke_.”

“What is wrong with you?! You know that Tweek struggles with this stuff! You don’t go there! _Never_ go there! You kick him while he’s down, and then try to _humiliate_ him?! What the fuck!”

Mr. Tweak looked around the room and let out an awkward chuckle. “Craig, I’m sure it was just a joke. Tweek is a bit too sensitive sometimes. Please watch your language.”

“What is wrong with all of you?! What did Tweek ever do to you?!”

Craig felt Tweek tugging at the back of his shirt. He was still sniffling. “Craig, please- “

“No, Tweek,” Craig spat, never breaking eye contact with Mitch. “Tweek battles unthinkable mental illnesses every day. He struggles so much, and then you come here and point and laugh and make him feel like shit on top of it all. You just sit here and think it’s okay to make fun of everything he already beats himself up over?”

“ _Craig_ ,” Mr. Tweak spoke more sternly. “Everyone struggles. Tweek just needs to learn to grow up and laugh at himself. Now, please, sit down.”

“What the fuck,” Craig mumbled to himself, feeling tears begin to form in his own eyes from sheer frustration. “He just wants everyone to be happy. He’s the kindest, sweetest person ever and you try to make your kids afraid of him by saying that he’s some sort of molester, making it out like he deserves to be locked away somewhere because…what? Because you don’t care to understand him?”

“Yes,” Mr. Tweak said, sarcasm dripping from his voice like venom. “Tweek is an angel who’s never done anything wrong in his life. He’s always the victim.”

“I didn’t say that! God fucking- you know what, forget it. Come on, Tweek.” Craig reached behind him for Tweek’s hand, but nobody took hold. Craig whirled around, still trying to hold back tears, feeling the glares of the Tweaks burn into him.

But Tweek was gone.


	4. A Great Person to Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek needs a friend. Craig is worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow everyone on here is so supportive! I'm always trying to improve my writing, and all of your nice comments are really encouraging and help build motivation! In other words, you're all great!! 
> 
> Enjoy this chapter!

Tweek trudged through the snow, using the light of streetlamps to guide his footing. The wind bit at his exposed skin turning it bright red, and Tweek watched his breath fog in front of him. He wasn’t sure where he was going – he was running on autopilot, his constant fight or flight response currently leaning towards flight. All the Tweek knew was that he wanted to escape from the situation that was the Tweak family Christmas Eve party, and so here he was, freezing, wandering the streets of South Park.

The boy judged that it had to be around eight or nine o’clock. Light still shone through many houses’ windows, and sounds of laughter and Christmas music could faintly be heard. He shoved his hands into his jean pockets and nuzzled his face to his green turtleneck sweater when the wind began to blow again, feeling stupid for leaving his house so suddenly.

Craig had been defending him, he knew, but the situation had been too much for him to handle. He saw the way his family had been glaring daggers at Craig. The last thing Tweek wanted was his family to treat Craig the same way as they did him. Tweek chuckled to himself as he thought over the drama that had just occurred. Normally, he was the one to jump on the chance to talk about his feelings while Craig was more likely to bottle them up or remove himself from the situation. Tweek forced a smile at the fact that the couple were tuning in on one another’s mannerisms and coping mechanisms.

The bright yellow and red sign of Benny’s Diner shone above Tweek, and he felt his feet turn in its direction seeking the warmth of the indoors. He felt guilty about entering the diner seeing that it was Christmas Eve and he hated the idea of people having to work. _I’ll die of hypothermia or something if I don’t,_ he thought.

The chime of a bell sounded as Tweek pushed open the glass door Benny’s and stomped the snow off of his boots on the black entrance mat. Holiday music played through the speakers, and Tweek looked around to find the diner empty save for two other customers. An employee poked his head out from out of the kitchen, and smiled when he saw Tweek. “My main man! How are you, Tweek?”

“Hey Kenny,” Tweek said with a small wave. Kenny jogged over to him and ruffled his hair.

“What brings you here?” the taller blonde asked, raising an eyebrow. Tweek sighed. He trusted Kenny, but right now he didn’t feel like discussing the proceeding of the evening. Deciding to keep it all inside for now, Tweek shrugged.

“The coffee’s good here,” he said simply. Kenny stared at him for a moment, and Tweek almost felt himself twitch under the other boy’s gaze. He knew Kenny saw right through his lying, but Tweek wasn’t about to give in. “Do you mind if I sit in a booth?”

“Go right ahead – the place is yours. Nobody else is gonna come.” Kenny followed Tweek to a booth with a menu in hand. “I’ll go grab you your coffee,” he said as Tweek sat down.

Tweek sat in silence for a moment looking around at the other two customers. One was an old woman with a tired face and sad eyes. She stared straight ahead as she chewed her pancakes, and Tweek wondered what she was thinking about. Loneliness was flowing from her freely. Looking at the woman began to make him feel even more depressed so he shifted his gaze to the middle-aged man sitting by a window. He sipped his drink as he stared outside, and Tweek recognized him as Clyde’s father. He thought about going over and saying ‘hello’ to the man, but he seemed very caught up in his thoughts at the moment.

Kenny returned with not one, but two mugs of coffee and creamer capsules. He handed one mug over to Tweek and slid into the seat across from him with the other. “I texted Craig. He’s on his way."

Tweek poured some creamer into his coffee and nodded. “Thank you.”

Kenny poured cream and sugar in his mug and took a quick sip. “Will you tell me what’s wrong? It’s not hard to tell you’ve been crying, dude.”

Collecting his thoughts, Tweek stared at his hands for a moment, staying silent. They were still red and stinging from the cold, and he hoped he hadn’t gotten frost bite. He began picking at a fingernail until the numbness faded away. “It’s nothing,” he finally said.

“It’s clearly something…Is it your parents?” Taking the silence as confirmation, Kenny frowned. “You can talk to me about it. Look, I’m working now because my parents are two huge losers. My sister wanted a Moana doll for Christmas, and they told her to go out and work for it. She’s six.”

“That’s horrible,” Tweek said with wide eyes.

“Yeah, I know. Parents can really suck sometimes. I won’t judge you, man.”

Tweek looked at Kenny gratefully and took a long gulp of coffee. “I just…They all think so little of me. I’m a worthless freak, a poor excuse of a family member to them. The worst part of it is, I agree with them. Everything they throw at me, I can’t help but think I deserve it all, and I know Craig tells me that I don’t. But…I don’t know. Poor Craig has to deal with it all. He does so much for me, and I do nothing for him. I just…drag him down. It’s not healthy for him.”

Kenny reached across the table and lifted Tweek’s chin with his index finger so that he was looking into the other boy’s eyes. “Hey,” Kenny began, “listen to me. You are not worthless. And yeah, you’re quirky, but that doesn’t make you a freak. You’re so fuckin’ sweet, and I can’t understand why anyone would ever want to make you feel that way. There are some people in life that others just love to pick on for no reason, I guess. It’s shitty. And as for Craigory, the fact that you’re sitting here worrying about his feelings proves that you care so much about him. You don’t ‘drag him down,’ you compliment him. Craig has become such a better person since you two started dating. He’s not an asshole to everyone, he’s not as cold, and he’s just…happier. He really loves you, Tweek. You’re a great person to love.”

Tweek felt tears begin to form in his eyes once more. “You…you think?”

“Clyde never shuts up about it,” Tweek heard a voice chime in from the table across from them. He looked to see Clyde’s father watching them. “When Clyde’s mother died, he always talked about what a great fried you were, Tweek. You helped cheer him up. He said that you would give the warmest hugs. Now all he talks about his what you and Craig are up to and how cute the two of you are together. The two of us got into a fight tonight, but I think I’m going to go apologize to him now.” Mr. Donovan nodded as if to confirm his statement and sipped his drink some more.

Tweek clutched his heart through the fabric of his sweater. “Th-thank you…that means so much…”

Suddenly, Craig burst through the door. He was panting, scanning the restaurant to find Tweek. Tweek saw that his eyes were red and puffy, and it made his heart sink. He had clearly been crying, and Tweek hoped it wasn’t because he had left him alone. When Craig’s eyes landed on his boyfriend, he rushed over. Before Craig could utter a word, Tweek was frantically apologizing and burying his head in his hands.

Craig plopped down next to him and pulled him into an embrace. He planted gentle kisses all over the other boy’s face, running a hand through the wild, blonde hair. “Are you okay? Why didn’t you wait for me?” Craig whispered.

“Sorry,” Tweek said again. “I didn’t even think about what I was doing. I just left. It was selfish, I’m so-“

“It’s okay, hun. I’m glad you weren’t there to see me completely lose it, I guess.” Craig chuckled

Kenny was looking at the couple, pure joy spread across his face. He stood from the booth. “I’ll leave you two love birds alone, unless you want to order something?”

“Nah, I think we’re good,” Craig spoke, looking to Tweek for confirmation. “I’m going to take Tweek over to my place for a bit. Thanks, McCormick.”

“No problem, Tucker. And coffee’s on the house, Tweek,” Kenny said before walking away back into the kitchen.

“Thank you, Kenny!” Tweek called after him. He reached into his pocket and left a ten-dollar bill on the table anyway, knowing the blonde needed it more than he did. Craig stood and reached for Tweek’s hand, helping to pull him to his feet.

“You can hang with my family on Christmas,” Craig said. “I’ll call my mom to get come drive us over there now, and you can stay over tonight. I’ll drive you over in the morning so you can get dressed and see you parents really quick and junk, and then I could pick you back up. If you want to, that is.”

Tweek cupped Craig’s cheek, and for a moment he thought he was going to kiss the boy. His nerves got to him before he could lean in, though, and he settled for nuzzling his head to Craig’s neck. Craig wrapped his arms around his waist, and they stood there, warm in each other’s arms, breathing in one another’s scents. “I’d love that more than anything,” Tweek finally said.


	5. To Make Someone Stay Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek battles the tears. Craig expresses his anxieties.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I cannot thank everyone enough for the incredibly sweet and encouraging comments! It's so thoughtful, and thank you to everyone for continuing to read!!  
> This chapter contains a lot of fluff and even more angst. Sorry about that :,D  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy (the fluff at least)!

_It's the most wonderful time of the year…_

Christmas music echoed from the speakers as Tweek slid into the backseat of Laura Tucker’s minivan next to his boyfriend. The car was toasty thanks to the seat warmers and heaters on full blast. It caused the glass to fog, tempting the boys to draw smiley-faces on the windows with their fingers. Mrs. Tucker greeted them both with a smile and leaned back to pull Tweek, her “favorite son,” in for a forehead kiss despite Craig’s embarrassed protests.

The ride to the Tucker’s house was silent. Tweek looked out the window at the houses and lawns decorated with multi-colored lights, things he had missed on his lonely walk to Benny’s Diner. One lawn featured an inflatable Minion popping out of a stocking that made Tweek roll his eyes. Another stuck out to him in particular: the lawn held lights that displayed a progression of two children getting closer and closer until they finally kissed under the mistletoe. It made him think of how he and Craig had yet to kiss.

 

_There'll be much mistltoeing  
And hearts will be glowing…_

Tweek knew it should have happened by now – they were sixteen after all. He knew that Craig must be waiting until he felt comfortable. _Or Craig isn’t really attracted to me and is secretly plotting to leave the me for someone better with less emotional baggage,_ his mind shouted. Tweek forced the intrusive thought from his head and sighed.

The thing was, Tweek wanted to kiss Craig. Bad. Hell, he wanted to make-out with him. He was just afraid of what would happen next. He was afraid that a kiss would officially chain Craig to him, trapping the other boy in an emotional rollercoaster complete with neglectful family members and an emotionally unstable teen. Tweek didn’t feel like Craig deserved that, to be attached to someone who was so messed up. Someone who didn’t know who they were past their mental illness.

He sighed again unintentionally, making Craig put a hand on his shoulder. The boys locked eyes as Mrs. Tucker pulled into the driveway and cut off the ignition. “Alright, boys,” she said. “It’s cold out there, so make a run for the door.”

Craig rolled his eyes. “Mom, it’s not that col- “

“Go, go, go!” Laura shouted, jumping from the car and dashing to the front door. Tweek laughed and followed behind the blonde woman while Craig jogged with minimal effort.

“Nice hustle, Tweek,” Laura joked, patting the boy’s back as he walked inside. “And Craig, you could do better.” She flipped off her son with a smile, and Craig returned the gesture. The family dynamic of the Tucker household was always a mystery to Tweek, but he loved it nonetheless. It felt closer to home than when he was with his own parents.

 

_When love ones are near  
It's the most wonderful time of the year…_

 

Tweek was startled as Tricia launched herself at him, wrapping her hands around his waist. He stumbled back a few steps before smiling and patting the youngest Tucker on her head. “I was hoping you would come, Tweek. It’s boring with just Craig here.”

“I’d imagine,” Tweek said with a laughed earning a ‘hey!’ from his boyfriend. 

“Duck down,” Tricia commanded, and Tweek obliged. Once he was at eye-level, Tricia shoved her hands into his wild blonde locks, running her fingers through it with a grin plastered to her face. “You’re like a lion! Please let it grow longer! I want to braid it.” 

Tweek laughed. “I could try, but it’s hard to keep under control even at this length. Any longer and I might look light someone straight from a horror movie!”

“Even better!”

Craig stepped forward and wrapped an arm around his boyfriend’s waist. He flipped off his sister as she let on a delighted ‘awww’ at their PDA and pulled Tweek closer to him. “I think there’s leftover pizza in the kitchen if you want any.”

Feeling his stomach growl in response, Tweek realized he hadn’t eaten anything all day. He nodded, following Craig into the kitchen where Thomas Tucker sat. Upon seeing Tweek, the man’s face lit up and he pulled the boy in for a bear hug. “Tweek! What brings you here on Christmas Eve?”

Tweek felt smothered in the large man’s hold and moved away for air causing Mr. Tucker to laugh heartily. “Sorry to bother you, sir. I was just…um…”

“He’s staying over,” Craig finished and moved to the refrigerator to grab some pizza for the both of them. It was pepperoni and mushroom, one of the few kinds of food that both Tweek and Craig loved equally.

Mr. Tucker raised an eyebrow. “Staying on Christmas Eve? What about your fam-” Thomas stopped when he saw his wife frantically shaking her head from the corner of the room and took the hint. “Ah, well, you know you’re always welcome here, Tweek. You’re never a bother.”

“Thank you, sir,” Tweek sputtered as Craig lead him away and up the stairs to his bedroom, shutting the door behind them.

Looking around the tidy room, Tweek smiled at the Neil Degrasse Tyson, Bill Nye, and various other scientific-themed posters that had lined Craig’s wall since elementary school. One was of the periodic table and another was a vintage poster warning people to always wear their safety goggles. “I never can get over how much of a nerd my boyfriend is,” Tweek whispered into Craig’s ear.

“Shut it,” Craig said, shoving a piece of pizza into his the other boy’s mouth.

Tweek scarfed down the pizza, letting his hunger finally take over. Once finished, he yawned and peeled off his jeans, tossing them onto the ground. He plopped down onto Craig’s twin bed and shimmied under the comforter. “Okay, yeah, just make yourself at home,” Craig joked and moved to the bed

 Reaching a hand out to Craig, Tweek pouted over the lack of warmth. “Cuddle with me, it’s cold.”

Craig didn’t need to be told twice. He stripped down to his boxers and moved under the covers next to Tweek. The smaller boy snuggled against his chest, the fuzz of his turtleneck tickling Craig’s bare skin. Craig kissed the top of his head. “Aren’t you uncomfortable sleeping in that itchy sweater?”

“No!” Tweek quickly shouted. Craig peeled away to look at him causing Tweek to bury his head in a pillow. “Sorry.”

“Tweek, you know I won’t judge you. I care about you.”

Tweek groaned and turned so his back was facing his boyfriend. He carefully pulled both arms from his sweater before slowly lifting it off his head and tossing it onto the ground. Craig put a hand on his shoulder. “Honey, look at me.”

The smaller boy turned, giving Craig a full view of the cuts that lined his wrists, some deep, some jagged and sloppy. Craig felt his breath hitch but made sure not to stare. He focused on Tweek’s eyes instead which were downcast. Reaching out a hand, he gently held Tweek’s wrist, feeling the other boy flinch in his grasp.

Craig moved Tweek’s wrist to his lips and softly kissed along the scarred skin. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, and Tweek buried his head in his neck, breathing unevenly.

“Please stop hurting yourself,” he continued. “Sometimes I think about what would happen if I lived in a world without you in it. It scares me so bad, Tweek. Life would just be so dark, and I would be so empty. I don’t know what I would do if one day you cut too deep and I wasn’t quick enough to save you. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. Please, please don’t hurt yourself anymore. You’ve made me so happy, and I’ve stayed happy since I met you. It takes a special person to make someone _stay_ happy.”

Tweek felt some tears flow from his eyes. He snuggled back into Craig’s soft pillows and pulled Craig close to him. “I would never leave you, Craig. I…I’m sorry I keep doing this…it’s…not fair to you.”

“I don’t ever want to not be able to hold you,” Craig whispered. Tweek didn’t know if he was crying or not, and he was too nervous to check. Whenever Craig cried around him, Tweek was unable to control his own tear ducts. Seeing the normally stoic boy cry simply broke Tweek’s heart.

After a while, of simply holding each other both boys’ breathing calmed down. Tweek heard Craig begin to softly snore and smiled to himself. He ran his fingers up and down Craig’s arm until his own eyelids became impossibly heavy. Tweek drifted off into a rare peaceful sleep, nuzzled comfortably in Craig’s arms.

* * *

 

The drive back to Tweek’s house in the morning was nerve-racking. Tweek sat in the passenger seat of Craig’s beat up truck, shaking persistently and trying to concentrate on something, anything to stop his mind from stressing. The wintergreen air freshener in the shape of a pine tree swinging from Craig’s rearview mirror captured his attention, and he stared at it intensely.

The ride seemed to fly by quicker than Tweek would have liked. When Craig turned the final corner and pulled into the Tweak’s driveway, the smaller boy let out a ‘GAH!’ and covered his face with his hands. He knew his parents were going to be pissed beyond belief.

Craig squeezed his hand. “Hey, it’ll be fine. I’ll pick you up later, okay? You can stay again if you want.”

Tweek nodded and exited his boyfriend’s truck, slowly approaching his front door. His heartrate increased with every step, and when he finally arrived to the final doorstep it was echoing in his eardrums. He twisted his doorknob to find it unlocked and stepped inside, waving goodbye to Craig as he pulled away, leaving Tweek alone with his parents. He closed the door behind him.

The house looked empty upon first glance. All was quiet save for the ticking of the wall clock and Tweek’s own heartbeat. He hoped his parents were still asleep and crept quietly towards the stairs.

“Where the hell have you been?” his father’s voice spoke sternly as he emerged from the kitchen.

“At Craig’s,” Tweek whispered.

“I’m beginning to think Craig isn’t the best influence,” Mr. Tweak spat back. “Maybe this whole ‘dating’ thing was a bad idea.”

“No! Dad, please!”

“Why should I let you keep seeing him? Give me one good reason.”

Tweek felt his body twitch. “I love him.”

Just then, Tweek’s mother also stepped out of the kitchen and stood beside her husband. “You love him, huh?” Mr. Tweak asked with an angry grin. “You should have seen how he acted after you ran away from your family last night. It was humiliating!”

“He was a bit out of hand,” Mrs. Tweak added.

Richard crossed his arms. “And you. I asked you not to make a scene, and what do you do? What do you fucking do? We’re the laughingstock of the family now thanks to you. How dare you act like that!”

Tweek stepped away from the stairs and closer to his father. “Well why don’t you stand up for your son?! They were all ganging up on me and you just watched!”

“Oh for God’s sake, you are such a _spaz!_ Nobody was ‘ganging up on you!’ It’s all in your head, Tweek!”

“You always say that!” Tweek screamed. “You always try to make me think I’m crazy! You never listen! You don’t even care!”

Suddenly, Tweek felt his head snap to the side and a wave of pain shoot through him. He touched his fingers to his stinging cheek and looked up at his father who still had his hand raised, ready to slap him again. Though Tweek willed himself not to cry, he felt the tears well up anyways.

“How _dare_ you say that I don’t care about you, you ungrateful spaz,” Richard seethed while his wife stared at him with wide eyes. “All your mother and I try to do is help you. You can never act the least bit grateful. So many kids are out on the streets because their parents kicked them out for being gay or because they never even had parents to begin with. You don’t even know how lucky you are.”

“So I should be happy that you didn’t kick me out?” Tweek said in a weak whisper. His head jerked to the other side as his father slapped him again. Mrs. Tweak lightly grabbed her husband’s arm, silently willing him to give up the violence.

“Are you done talking back?” Richard asked, and Tweek remained silent, staring at the floor. “Good. Now don’t try to make me sound homophobic. Stop twisting my words, you hear. You always try to make everything out like it’s an attack on you. Like you’re so fucking special. Guess what, kid? Not everything is about you. Nobody was attacking you last night. It’s all in your fucking head. You’ve even got your boyfriend thinking that everyone is out to get you. It’s abusive, Tweek. It really is. Now go to your room. Go, get out of my sight.”

Tweek scampered up the stairs and ran to his room, shutting the door behind him. He broke out into sobs as soon as he was in the privacy of his disaster of a bedroom, sinking down against the door and pulling at his hair. He wanted to hurt himself. The desire was overwhelming. He just felt so worthless.

But he told Craig he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t bring a razor to his skin or bang his head off the wall. He wouldn’t force himself to vomit or condemn himself to isolation. He refused.

 

 _And hearts will be glowing_  
_When love ones are near_  
 _It's the most wonderful time of the year._

 

The Christmas song echoed in Tweek’s head, and he laughed hysterically.


	6. Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek has some makeup troubles. Craig checks up on his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to keep on thanking you all for the wonderful comments! I don't care if you get sick of me saying it, you all deserve thanks!!
> 
> Also, not a lot really happens in this chapter, but there's some important character building. Enjoy!

Tweek looked into the mirror on his bedroom door, running his fingers over the reddish-purple bruise that had begun to form on his left cheek. It stung when he pressed his index finger down on it. He could tell that his father’s right hand was the dominant one because that slap had stung much more than the left-handed one. There was only a slight red mark on his right cheek – it was easily unnoticeable, easy to hide. The bruise on the other hand…

Tweek knew that Craig would ask about it. He knew that Craig would worry about him. The last thing Tweek wanted to do was cause his boyfriend any trouble on Christmas day. He didn’t want to consume the holiday with his problems, spreading his negativity onto everyone else. _I would just be making everything about me_ , Tweek thought.

Walking over to his bedside drawer, Tweek pulled out the first-aid kit that he stored there. Hidden among the gauze, rubbing alcohol, and bandages was a tube of concealer kept for whenever Tweek didn’t want to draw too much attention to his injuries, whether they be inflicted by himself or his parents. He unscrewed the top and dabbed the last of the makeup onto his cheek, blending it in with his fingers. He would have to remind himself to buy more. Once he returned to the mirror, Tweek saw that the bruise was barely visible and breathed a sigh of relief.

Then the door opened, and Tweek’s parents walked inside with large smiles. He took a step back, eyes widening with confusion. As far as he knew, there was nothing to be smiling about.

“Hey there, son,” Mr. Tweak said. He then motioning to the concealer still in Tweek’s hand. “Putting on makeup?”

“I, um…There was a bruise,” Tweek whispered, pointing to his cheek.

Mr. Tweak widened his eyes. “A bruise? Now how did that happen?”

“Ngh, from you.”

Mr. Tweak chuckled and pat his son on the shoulder. Tweek held himself back from flinching. “Now how in the world would I have given you a bruise?”

“You…you hit me again?”

“Now, son, I’ve never hit you. What would make you say that?”

Mrs. Tweak put her hand up to her son’s head like she was checking his temperature. “Do you think you’re hallucinating again?” she asked. Tweek spotted the defeated look in her eyes.

“I’ve never hallucinated!”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Mr. Tweak sighed. “You hallucinate all the time. Why do you think you’re on all this medication? Last week you said I tried to throw a mug at you, son.”

“You…did?”

“Why would I do that?”

“I…Gah! I don’t know!?”

Mr. Tweak nodded. “Exactly. Now your mother and I want to help you get a handle on determining what’s real and what’s not. We know how hard it is for you, and we don’t want to have to admit you to the psych ward again. That’s why we got you this.” He motioned to his wife who held out a present she had been holding in her hand behind her back. She handed the present to Tweek and patted him on the head.

Tweek stared at the box in his hand for a moment before slowly peeling away at the wrapping paper and ribbon, allowing it to flutter to the ground. Once it was unwrapped, Tweek read the front of the box aloud. “Guided Meditation CDs: Working Towards a Happier, Healthier You.”

“I know your old therapist said that meditating would help concentrate your mind,” his mother said. “We thought these would be good for you.”

“Th-thank you,” Tweek said, forcing a smile.

“We want the best for you,” his father said. “We love you so much, son.”

His father and mother stared at him expectantly. Tweek clutched the box of CDs to his chest and shifted his gaze to the carpet. “Love you too.”

Mr. Tweak smiled. “Good boy. We’ll be downstairs if you need anything. Try to rest that overactive mind of yours.”

With that, Tweek’s parents left the room. Tweek felt his vision getting blurry and his heart beating out of his chest. His whole body started to tingle until he felt nothing and then everything all at once in one overwhelming wave. He knew he was having a panic attack. It happened all the time. Nonetheless, he couldn’t shake the feeling the he was dying.

Curling into a ball on the floor, Tweek tried to control his breathing. _Remember what Craig told you. List five things I can see_. Tweek looked around his room. He saw his tiny Buddha statue. Dozens of empty coffee cups. A Wonder Woman poster on the far wall. Incense burners. A photo of him and Craig holding hands when they had went skiing together.

 _Breathe, Tweek. Four things I can touch_. Tweek felt the green shag carpet beneath his fingers. His pillows. His hair. The Guinea pig plushie that reminded him of Craig’s old beloved pet, Stripe.

 _Three things I can hear_. He listened the creaking of the floorboards as he shifted his weight. The sound of his own breathing. The ding of his cellphone, notifying him that he had gotten a message.

 _Two things I can smell_. A coffee-scented candle on his desk. The green sweater he was still wearing. _Wow, I need a shower._

 _Okay, last one. One thing I can taste_. There was a pack of strawberry-flavored gum on his desk. Tweek walked over and plopped a piece in his mouth. He felt much more grounded, and the remaining symptoms of his attack faded away. Sighing, he went to pick up his phone and check his messages.

 

**Craig: hey baby, when do you want me to come get you?**

**Tweek: Twenty minutes?**

**Tweek: Or whenever you have time! It’s up to you!**

**Craig: be there in 20. <3**

**Tweek: <3**

Tweek picked out some new clothes – a nice plaid sweater and some khaki jeans – and went to the bathroom to take a shower. He made sure the water was nice and hot before stepping in. He shampooed and washed his body, all the while staring at the pink razor on the soap holder. The longer he looked at it, the more nauseous he got. It was like the object was taunting him. He picked it up, examining it.

After a moment, he let it slide from his grasp and onto the shower floor. Feeling clean, Tweek turned off the water and dried himself off. He changed into his fresh clothes and checked his phone again, opening a text from Craig that said he was on his way and nearing the Tweak household. Tweek smiled.

Shifting his gaze up to the bathroom mirror, he felt his smile immediately dissipate. He saw that he had completely washed away the concealer, and that the bruise on his face was not only visible; it had grown over most of his left cheek. “Dammit!” he yelled and searched for his mother’s makeup bag.

A ding on his phone signaled another text from Craig saying that he was waiting out front. Tweek’s hands began to shake. He pulled the makeup bag out from under the sink and unzipped it, searching around for anything he could use to cover the bruise. He found some powder but no makeup brush, so he shook some out onto his fingers and began rubbing it on his face. His phone received another text.

The makeup was a shade too dark for his skin – it appeared orange rather than blending in. Tweek let out a yell of frustration and put the makeup back, digging around for anything that was a lighter shade. He fumbled and dropped some eyeliner pencils onto the ground.

There was a knock on the door as he stooped down to pick up the pencils. “Just a second!” he yelled.

“Tweek, it’s Craig. I’m coming in.”

“No!” Tweek vaulted towards the door and locked it. “I’m…I’m almost done!”

Craig wiggled the doorknob. “T-tweek! Honey! Please open the door!” He sounded desperate.

 _I’m so stupid, god fucking dammit_ , Tweek thought as he rubbed the too-dark powder into his skin some more, trying to force it to blend. Craig kept wiggling the doorknob, and Tweek tried to ignore him. Hoping that Craig wouldn’t notice the powder, he finally zipped the makeup bag back up and tossed it back under the sink.

As soon as he unlocked the door, Craig burst in looking nauseous. He grabbed Tweek’s arms wordlessly and examined his wrists, looking for any fresh cuts. Next he lifted the other boy’s shirt and checked his hips for any sign of self-harm. He held Tweek by his shoulders at arm’s length and looked him over once more, finally running his fingers over his boyfriend’s cheek. “What happened?”

“N-nothing, Craig! Please don’t worry about it, I…I don’t want you worrying. Please.”

Craig was already wetting a washcloth in the sink. He lightly dabbed the cloth on his boyfriend’s cheek, wiping away the makeup. _So much for that_ , Tweek thought. _That was a dumb fucking idea. I only made myself look even more pathetic_.

“What did they do?” Craig said through grit teeth.

“It wasn’t that bad!” Tweek reasoned. “Only slapping, nothing serious this time! Other people have it worse, so please don’t worry. I don’t even really know if it was real or not.”

“What do you mean you _don’t know_ if it was real?”

Tweek felt Craig’s grip tighten and knew he was getting angry. “I mean…u-um…I remember being hit, but…they said it didn’t happen. I could have imagined it like I did the underpants gnomes!”

“I told you, the underpants gnomes were real, Tweek.”

“Oh right. Well…Ugh! I think I’m going crazy!”

Craig hugged him. “You’re not going crazy. They’re trying to make you think you are. They’re fucking abusive liars.”

“B-but what if I am actually imagining everything, and I’m just getting you to think that all of this stuff actually happened when it didn’t!? What if I’m abusing and manipulating you!?”

“I’ve walked in on your dad yanking you around by your hair before, Tweek, and I don’t doubt that he’s done much, much worse. You’re not the abusive one, trust me. I’d beat his ass if I could. Now, let’s get you over to my place where you’re safe, okay?”

“Okay…Wait, did you come in through my window again?”

“Yeah.” Craig said like it was a normal thing to do.

Tweek chuckled, walking to his bedroom with Craig following behind him. “Alright, then we’re going out that way.” Suddenly, he clutched his hair in panic. “Oh shit! I didn’t wrap your gift!”

“That’s okay. I’m just gonna unwrap it anyway. You can give it to me now if you want to. Yours is at my place.”

Tweek nodded and opened a drawer of his desk. He pulled out a brown cardboard box with the shipping label still on the top and tossed it over to his boyfriend. “It’s…not much. Sorry about that. I thought you might like them though.”

The packing tape was already off of the box when it was given to Craig. He opened it up and pulled out the softest pair of mittens he had ever felt. They were a dark blue that matched his hat and winter coat, and cute little Guinea pigs were stitched into them. The noirette’s eyes went wide.

“It’s from Peru,” Tweek mumbled. “Made from llama wool.”

Craig immediately slid them on. “They’re perfect,” he said, not able to stop staring at the mittens. “I can’t believe how perfect they are. Thank you so much.”

Tweek gave a shy smile. “No probLE-Ah!” He yelped as Craig took hold of his hips and lifted him off the ground, twirling him in a circle. He was then pulled towards Craig’s chest and relaxed against it.

“ _You’re_ perfect,” Craig whispered in his ear.


	7. Stess Relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek finally gets to relax. Craig helps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all. I really want to apologize for taking so long to update this. I'm very sorry, and I'd love to say it won't happen again but it probably will. But I promise, I won't completely stop updating. Thank you all for continuing to leave encouraging comments and staying patient with me! You're all truly the greatest!
> 
> And also, someone directed me to a review ParfaitFangirl (who posts awesome south park content; go check it out!) wrote of this fic on Tumblr, and I was so touched! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!  
> Here's the link: http://parfaitfangirl.tumblr.com/post/169227416948/creek-fanfic-review-holidays-are-better-when-im
> 
> Now, please enjoy this chapter!

Tweek watched as his boyfriend shimmied down the icy drainpipe onto the ground of his backyard. Snowflakes were lightly drifting from the sky, adding to the already thick layer of snow. Grabbing his house key from the nightstand and shoving it into his pocket, Tweek reached out the window towards the pipe. He immediately felt his stomach drop and didn’t trust that he’d be able to keep his grip.

“It’s okay, hun!” Craig shouted up at him with a smile. “I’ll catch you if you fall!”

Tweek nodded and shifted his body out of the window, pulling his weight onto the makeshift ladder. He clung to it like a cat stuck in a tree and stared down at Craig with wide eyes. _Wait, what do I have to be afraid of_ , he suddenly thought as his boyfriend gave him a thumbs-up. _I’m afraid of getting hurt…but there’s nothing scary about that. Isn’t that what I want?_

Suddenly, he felt the urge to let go. Tweek loosened his grip and kicked off against the siding of house, propelling his body into the air. The snow connected with his back faster than he had time to think about what he was doing, and his body sank down a foot or two into the mountain of white. It hadn’t hurt much at all, and he laid there, arms and legs spread like a starfish, as Craig rushed over.

“When I said ‘I’ll catch you,’ I didn’t mean ‘dive from the side of the house,’ dude,” he mumbled. “I wasn’t prepared for that. Are you alright?”

Lifting an arm up to Craig, he smiled. “Nope. I broke every bone in my body, man. You’re going to have to help me up.”

Craig sighed. He ducked down and scooped up his boyfriend, one arm on his back and the other under his knees. “I’m not carrying you the whole way to the car, though.”

Tweek slid out of Craig’s grasp and planted his boots into the snow with a chuckle. Just then, he met his father’s gaze through the living room window. A moment of silence passed without the two breaking eye contact. With a shake of his head, Mr. Tweak turned his back and walked out of his son’s view. Tweek felt Craig’s hand on the small of his back, ushering him towards his small, dented car. “It’s okay, baby. Don’t worry about him right now. You’re coming to my house.”

“But what about when I have to leave?” Tweek whispered. “I’ll have to leave and come back here, and he’ll be so mad at me. What if he does something horrible?

“You could just stay at my house for the rest of break, okay?” Craig opened the driver’s seat door and slid inside. Tweek followed suit.

“I don’t have any clothes or anything with me. Ugh, I should have brought some. That was stupid of me. I didn’t get my medicine or anything.”

“I could see if my dad could come over and pick it all up for you.” Craig slowly backed out of the driveway and pulled away from the Tweak home.

“My dad is going to be really upset. He’ll think I’m embarrassing the family in front of your parents or something. Or what if he calls the police and says you kidnapped me?”

Tweek watched as Craig drove along the road carefully. South Park was notorious for doing a horrible job at clearing their roads. “If the police show up, you and I can explain everything.”

“If I explain everything, then child services will come and take me away from you.” He heard Craig’s breath hitch.

“I…Babe…It’ll be okay, I promise.”

Before long, Craig pulled into the Tucker driveway and turned off the car. The two exited the vehicle, and Craig led Tweek inside. Tricia was sitting on the living room floor playing a game on her Nintendo DS and barely noticing the two boys’ entrance.

“Tricia got the new Pokémon game, so we probably won’t see much of her for a long while,” Craig mumbled.

“Hey! I’m not as bad as you used to be,” Tricia shot back. “Oh! Hi again, Tweek!”

Tweek smiled and waved at her. “Don’t listen to your brother, Trish. He wishes he could do nothing but play Pokémon.”

“HA!” Tricia stuck out her tongue, and Craig flipped her off. “Oh and Tweeeeek~ Craig has a nice present for you. He’s been stressing out about it all day, asking our dad if it was too cheesy and- “

Before Tricia could finish, Craig rushed over and put a hand over her mouth. “Don’t listen to her. That’s not true.”

“It’s definitely true,” Mr. Tucker chimed in as he entered the room. Tweek chuckled at Craig’s growing blush.

“Thanks a lot guys,” Craig said. “Oh, hey dad, do you mind doing a favor for Tweek?”

“You don’t need to!” Tweek hurriedly added.

Mr. Tucker raised an eyebrow and scratched his head through curly red hair. “Eh, sure. What is it?”

“Tweek needs help getting clothes and stuff out of his house. We don’t feel safe doing it alone.”

Mr. Tucker looked over at Tweek, noticing the bruise on the side of his cheek. He walked over and patted the blonde boy on the back. “Are you okay, son?” he asked, his eyes burning with an intense anger that made Tweek look away.

“I’m okay.”

“Okay, well we’ll go over later and get your stuff. Craig’s mom and I are cooking up a nice Christmas dinner that might make you feel a little better. Do you have any favorite foods you want?”

“Thank you so much, Mr. Tucker! Anything you cook is great for me. Thank you.”

“Not a problem, kiddo. We’re here for you.”

“Thanks, dad,” Craig said and took hold of Tweek’s hand. “We’re going to go to my room now.”

Craig’s dad smiled. “Alright. No funny business, though.”

“Dad, gross, stop.” Craig raced up the stairs, pulling Tweek along with him. Once in his room, Craig closed the door and turned to his boyfriend, looking more nervous than Tweek had ever seen him. A blush ran across his face and he was rubbing his neck, avoiding eye contact. “Uh, okay, so I have your present.”

Craig walked slowly over to his desk and picked up a square gift box wrapped in green paper. He handed it to Tweek who had taken a seat on the side of his bed. Tweek took the box with a huge smile and began unwrapping it. Craig stood awkwardly to the side shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

Once Tweek finished unwrapping he peered into the box, to find three multicolored stress relief candles and a bottle of stress relief lotion. He let out a tiny gasp. “Oh my gosh I’ve been wanting these! They’re supposed to be helpful! Thank you, Craig!”

“No problem. Sorry I went a bit overboard with the whole ‘stress relief’ thing. But, uh…I wanted to…uh…try something. And, like, if it’s weird to you feel free to, like, punch me or something. I’ll stop if it’s weird. Ugh, sorry.”

“What is it, Craig?”

“It’s nothing, like, crazy. Just uh…here.” Craig took off his mittens and set them to the side. He fluffed up a few pillows and moved them closer to his boyfriend. He lightly took the box from Tweek’s hands. “Just lay on your stomach so you’re comfortable.”

Trusting his boyfriend, Tweek listened and rested his head on the pillows, stretching his body along the length of Craig’s bed. He watched as Craig pulled out the candles and lit them with a lighter he had handy. Craig set the candles on the bedside table and walked to turn the light off. “This is super weird, I’m just realizing. Ugh, shit.”

Tweek laughed as his eyes adjusted to the dimness of the room. The scent of the candles drifted toward him. He took a deep inhale, smiling peacefully. Craig walked back over to him and stood at the side of the bed for a moment. “Um, I’m going to lift your sweater up a bit if that’s okay?”

Nodding, Tweek felt the skin of his back become exposed. He heard the squelching of Craig rubbing lotion together in his palms, and suddenly, his boyfriend’s hands were on his back, pressing down on the tense muscles up the length of his spine. Tweek gasped at the sudden contact and the chill of the lotion but soon after felt himself relaxing into Craig’s touch.

The lotion tingled in the most pleasant way. Craig pressed his thumbs down, kneading the knots in Tweek’s muscles. He wasn’t rough, applying just the right amount of pressure so his boyfriend wasn’t uncomfortable.

Tweek silently shed his sweater, hoping the action didn’t make him look too desperate for more contact. It just felt so good. Craig moved his hands up to Tweek’s shoulders, prompting a content sigh to escape the blonde’s lips.

Feeling himself begin to drift off, Tweek concentrated on all of Craig’s touches. He rubbed up along Tweek’s sore neck, over the length of his arms, and then back down his back. Tweek’s eyes fluttered closed, and it wasn’t until Craig pulled his hands away that they opened again and he noticed he had briefly fallen asleep.

Craig smiled down at him. “Was that okay?”

Tweek rolled his shoulders, feeling how loose they now feel. His whole body was warm and cozy, full of an intense, overpowering sense of love – a love that made him reach up and wrap his arms around Craig’s neck, pulling the taller boy’s body close to him and connecting their lips.

Craig’s hands drifted to Tweek’s hips as he kissed back through a smile. Tweek ran his hands through the noirette’s silky hair and felt fireworks going off in his mind. He didn’t know how long they sat there, kissing and holding one another.

It might have lasted forever if Tricia hadn’t burst in and switched the lights on. “Oooo, are you guys makin’ babies?”

“You should really knock,” Craig growled.

“Well you should really keep the door open. Dad told me to check on you and get you to come downstairs to eat. I’ll just tell him you’re busy havin-“

“Okay, we’re coming,” Craig said, shooting an apologetic glance in Tweek’s direction. Blushing, Tweek reached for his sweater and slid it back over his head as Tricia walked away.

“Craig, that was,” he paused, playing with a string on his sweater. “Nice. Really nice. Thank you.”

“It’s nothing. Thanks for not laughing too hard at me.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too, hun.”


	8. Don't Try. Do.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginnings of hatred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At last, here is the next chapter. Thank you for sticking with me. I know this is a short one, but I think it's important. Major trigger warning for this chapter, though (suicidal ideation, abuse, homophobic language). Skipping over this chapter would not affect your ability to enjoy the rest of the fic, so be safe!
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are still appreciated!

-3 years earlier-

 

Tweek leaned back in the beanbag chair gripping the Playstation controller tighter in his hands. On the screen in front of him, his camouflaged avatar crouched, aiming his rifle out the window to get a clear shot on the man running across the map. Looking through the scope, he shot twice and the other player crumpled to the ground. In the beanbag next to him, Mitch groaned.

“How are you so good at this?” Mitch asked. “I was even watching your half of the screen.”

“Can’t even beat me when you’re cheating, huh?” Tweek joked.

Mitch chuckled and pushed Tweek’s shoulder. “Fuck you, lil cuz.”

“Another rematch?”

Dropping his controller beside him, Mitch shook his head. “Nah, I’ve accepted that you’re the champ.”

Tweek smiled, setting his controller down as well. He watched his older cousin take a long sip from his can of Coke. He’d always looked up to Mitch, the oldest child of the family. Mitch was considered ‘popular’ at his high school – he had tons of friends, was good at football, and, on top of it all, he had a reputation for being one of the nicest guys in school. He was always helping younger kids find their classes and study for exams. Tweek strived to achieve that level of calm, cool, and collectedness.

“How are things at school?” Mitch asked.

Tweek shrugged. “Fine. My b-, er, friend Craig helps me out a lot when I feel stressed, so it’s getting easier, y’know?”

“Craig, huh? That’s nice of him.”

“Yeah! He…he’s the best.” Tweek chuckled.

Mitch gazed at him for a moment before shifting his focus back to the television screen. He picked up his controller, and Tweek did the same. Suddenly, they were in the middle of another game. Tweek moved across the map, settling in a sheltered spot and searching for Mitch through his rifle’s scope.

“There any girls you’re crushin’ on?” Mitch asked. Tweek’s aim landed on Mitch’s avatar. He shot, but Mitch jumped out of the way before the bullet could hit. Tweek crouched to reload.

“Uh, nope.” After reloading, Tweek searched for Mitch again. A spray of bullets whizzed by him, a few hitting. Tweek retreated behind a shack to regenerate his health.

“We gotta get you a girlfriend, dude.” Mitch was on the advance. He charged at Tweek’s hiding spot, his gun raised.

Tweek sprinted away. “We don’t have to. I mean, I’m only thirteen.”

“That’s when I had my first girlfriend. Chelsea. She was a bitch, but it taught me a lot.” Mitch was on the pursuit. He fired at Tweek as they ran, barely missing.

“Doesn’t sound very pleasant.” Tweek jumped behind a tree to dodge the oncoming whiz of bullets. He switched his sniper rifle out with a submachine gun, ready to defend himself. He aimed his gun out from behind the tree, shooting blindly.

“It wasn’t, but it’s what you gotta do. You want to get laid, don’t you?” Mitch flanked Tweek, shooting before Tweek had a chance to react. Tweek yelped and tried to jump out of the way, but Mitch was on him.

His avatar falling to the ground dead, Tweek let out a defeated sigh. “You got me.”

Mitch looked at him with an unreadable expression. Tweek shifted his eyes under his cousin’s gaze. “I guess there’s no use in lying,” he finally said. “Mitch, I don’t really like girls.”

Mitch said nothing, his eyes focused on Tweek. “I…I guess you could say I’m-”

“A faggot,” his cousin spat.

“Wha- Mitch! Don’t say it like that!” Tweek slid to the furthest side of his beanbag chair away from his cousin.

“But you are?”

“No…I’m gay.” This was the first time Tweek said it aloud to anyone besides his closest friends. Granted, most people already knew, but it had never been Tweek that had told them. Saying it aloud to someone new made his mouth dry. It didn’t feel freeing like he thought it should. The awkwardness was overwhelming, and Tweek just wanted to be alone.

“That’s what I said,” Mitch growled. “I just…I can’t believe it. And to think I was so nice to you.”

“I don’t see why that, _gah_ , has to change? I’m the same person.”

“Get the fuck away from me.”

Tweek felt tears welling up in his eyes. This was not the reaction he had expected. There was a pain building up in his chest that made him want to vomit. “I thought you’d understand!”

“Understand that this whole time you were just checking me out and getting the wrong ideas?” Mitch stood up, towering over him. “ _Fuck you_.”

The moment Tweek stood to meet Mitch’s gaze, a punch to the gut brought him crumpling forward, knocking the wind out of him. He gasped for breath as he felt himself being pushed to the ground. Catching a breath through his tears, Tweek felt his anger come unleashed. He tackled his cousin’s waist, pulling Mitch to the ground as well. Crouching over Mitch, Tweek threw a punch to the side of his face, causing him to cry out and bite his cheek. Mitch spit some blood at Tweek and tried to catch him with a right hook, but Tweek pushed his arm aside and let his nails rake down the side of Mitch’s face. Tweek felt his vision getting blurry as he kept punching and scratching. Mitch got a few more punches in, but Tweek barely felt them. He was numb. Stop, stop, stop, Tweek told himself, but he felt out of control. Suddenly, he felt himself lifted off the ground and thrown to the side. He landed awkwardly on his arm and heard something crack. Tweek yelled in pain and was pulled off the ground once more by the front of his shirt.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Mitch’s father screamed.

“My arm...” Tweek whispered, feeling himself being forcefully shook in the other man’s grasp. Tweek looked around the room, seeing his parents and Mitch’s mother kneeling beside his cousin, wiping blood away from his nose.

“What is wrong with you!?” Mitch’s father backed him against the wall.

“He punched me first!” Tweek sobbed.

“ _Yeah_ ,” Mitch spat. “Because he told me he was a fag and then tried to grab my dick.”

“No! I did not!” Tweek was pushed into the arms of his father who gripped him tightly by the shoulders.

“Get that boy out of here, Richard.” Tweek felt himself pulled from the room by his arm, causing him to scream in pain.

“Dad, my arm! It’s broken!” His father yanked harder, pushing him into Tweek’s bedroom and slamming the door shut.

“What was that?” his father growled.

“He…I told him I was gay and he…like freaked the fuck out,” Tweek whimpered. He watched his father move towards him and Tweek darted to the side.

“You know what our family’s like, Tweek. Why would you tell him that?”

“He’s always been so nice to me. We’re family, dad! I didn’t think he’d care.”

Richard sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “And so you beat him up?”

“I was defending myself!” Tweek gagged as his father grabbed him by the throat.

“Are you going to beat me up now?” Tweek clawed at his father’s hand. He gasped for air that wouldn’t come. His vision blurred, and for a moment Tweek felt calm. A wave of numbness washed over him. Then the reality of the situation came rushing back. “Huh? Are you?”

“N-no.” His father let him go, and Tweek feel to the ground.

“Get out of here, Tweek. I don’t want you in this house until the family’s gone. This time tomorrow, you better get ahold of yourself.”

Tweek pulled himself off of the ground with some effort and stumbled towards the door. He left the house, slouching under the glares of his family members. Opening the front door with his good arm, Tweek left his home. He pulled out his cellphone and dialed as he walked down the sidewalk.

“Hello?” the voice on the other end said as Tweek held the phone to his ear.

“Kenny,” Tweek sobbed. “Kenny, I want to kill myself.”

“Woah Tweek, hold on. Oh shit, where are you? Fuck, Tweek don’t do anything stupid. Fuck.”

“I just can’t take it anymore. Everyone hates me,” Tweek mumbled. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Hey!” Kenny yelled causing Tweek to pull the phone away from his ear slightly. “Stop that! They don’t, Tweek. Is Craig around?”

Tweek sniffled. “No. Don’t tell him.”

“He’s your boyfriend, Tweek.”

“I always annoy him with my problems.”

“Tweek, fucking listen,” Kenny was talking very fast. Tweek could hear the worry in his tone and he internally slapped himself for putting Kenny through this. “There are people out there who only want to talk about their problems and be the center of attention with their negativity. Now I’m not judging those people since you never know what someone’s story is, but I know you’re trying to avoid being like that. Trust me, Tweek, you’re not the type of person who brings everybody down. You don’t have to worry about bothering Craig by talking about your problems. If you were the type of person to complain constantly about everything and push every little problem onto him, then yes, that would probably annoy him. But you’re not doing that. This isn’t just some little problem. You can’t help it that you’re caught in an abusive situation. That’s what this is about right? It has to be. Of course you’re not going to be stable, and Craig knows that and has told you time after time that he’s here to help you through it. When your family abuses you, Tweek, you need to fucking talk about it. You need to go to Craig and be safe, okay? This isn’t something you can afford to bottle up because you’re worried about being a nuisance.”

Kenny paused, taking a deep breath. “Promise me you won’t bottle this up. Once you start ignoring your feelings, it’s so hard to stop.”

“I’ll try, Kenny.”

“Don’t try. Do. Tweek don’t kill yourself. We all love you. Please hang on, okay? You mean so much.”

“Sorry, I… I will.”

“That’s the spirit, Tweek. Are you going to Craig’s?”

“Yeah…I’m…on my way. And Ken…”

“Yeah?"

“You…you can talk to me about whatever you need to. You know I understand the whole shitty parents thing. You’re good at giving advice, but you need to follow it too. Please.”

“I….” The line was silent for a moment leading Tweek to believe that the other had hung up. When he finally spoke again, there was something new in his voice – an intensity that was missing before. Tweek defined this as the sound of pure determination, the ultimate willingness to chase after a goal, seeing it through to the bitter end. “I will,” Kenny finished, and Tweek imagined a smile making its way across his face. “I will.”


End file.
